Month: January 2013

No 1 on Google? Yes please.

Well dear reader it has been a busy few weeks and it’s all a bit of a blur again. It’s busy busy busy – hence the lack of updates.

But I thought I would let you in on a few of the slightly eclectic and eccentric phone calls I have had.

First there was the chap who called to say that he wasn’t a climber, had no experience of mountaineering and had never been in a tent – but he’s good in the gym – so was it possible for him to come and climb Everest?

Not with my group was the reply.

Why not? was the answer.

So … after outlining that it is better suited to people who are independent climbers and mountaineers in their own right and that it is a serious knarly place and that if you are a liability to yourself then you are a liability to everyone around you he proudly went on to tell me that he reckoned that he and a few mates might just rock up in Kathmandu, get a permit and that they’ll see us at Base Camp. Jolly good.

Next there was another chap (sorry guys – it is generally men rather than women that I hear these crazy ideas from) who had trekked to Everest Base Camp, had ascended Kala Pattar with no problems and, having seen Ama Dablam, wanted to have a go. Again I refer the honourable gentleman to my previous answer.

A while back I had an enquiry about rock climbing. We chatted for at least 30 minutes and I had his e mail address to send the application form as well as debit card details to confirm the booking. We were just saying our goodbyes when he asked ‘does it matter that I only have one arm?’

And lastly I have had numerous calls from people such as ‘The No1 SEO Company,’ or ‘The UK Search Engine Optimization Website,’ or other such drivel, telling me that they can get me not only on page one of Google but, in some instances, to number one on Google – in the organic listings. Now this creases me up every time because I generally get straight on to the computer whilst we are chatting, type in ‘Web SEO’ or ‘Search Engine Optimization’ in to Google and start searching – for them. Whilst we are chatting I casually drop in that I am already listed on Page 1 or high on Page 2 (and indeed for some key phrases I am No1) and they answer ‘well I typed in Hotels in Cumbria and I haven’t found you’ (interesting – how come you managed to get my details to call me then?).

Anyway having pointed out that we are a) not a hotel and b) we aren’t just ‘in Cumbria’ but in Keswick, a destination market town and that c) a person would probably search for ‘B&Bs in Keswick,’ or ‘Keswick B&B accommodation’ or other more relevant Keswick accommodation based search phrases I then casually drop in to the conversation:-

‘Just whilst we have been chatting I’ve been looking online for “SEO Companies”, I’m now on page 13 and I haven’t found you. I’m just wondering how you can put me on Page 1 when you aren’t there yourself. Hang on, I’m on page 14, no 15. Perhaps you’re on page 16?’

At this point the line usually goes dead.